By Karan Thapar

‘Wild Woodbine’, a cigarette that used to be made by W.D. & H.O. Wills, once issued a handbook with guidelines for British soldiers arriving in India. It was intended to ease their sojourn in our land. Last week I found it in an antique shop on London’s Portobello Road. It’s a delightful read.

It begins with how large India is. “Great Britain would fit into India twenty times”. Then, there are instructions about the local currency. 1 Anna equals 1 Penny, 11 Annas is 1 Shilling, (on the basis there are 16 Annas to the rupee) 1 rupee equals 1 Shilling and 5 Pence and 13 Rupees 6 Annas makes 1 Pound.

Much of the handbook is a collection of important words a soldier would need to know and how to pronounce them. For instance, mouse is Chew-ha, road is Rust-er, sea is Some-under, shirt is Come-ease, sugar is Chee-knee, water is Par-knee and woman is Awe-rut.

There are also a few short sentences for everyday use when he has to speak to the natives. When the soldier wants to know where you’re going he says “Kid-her jar-ta high?” If he hasn’t understood  “Tomb key-ah bowl-ta high?” If he’s in search of the post office it’s “Dark-car-ner kid-her high?” And if the price a shopkeeper is charging is too much he should say “Darm jars-tea high”.

Now the Brits were prone to falling ill. The handbook has very definite instructions on how to tackle fevers. “Fever is the result of many causes and may be cut short by a timely dose of Salts or Castor Oil, which has the effect of cooling the system… keep quiet as possible, lying down with cold towel to face and head … in case of Ague, when patient shivers with cold, draughts of  hot tea will induce perspiration. Cover the patient with blankets until the fit has passed.”

Snake bites, it seems, terrified the British. The poisonous variety call for “immediate and very drastic treatment”. This meant “Tie the limb (above the bite) with a tight ligature, so as to arrest the circulation of blood… then have the wound sucked by one who has no sores, cuts or blisters on the lips or in the mouth … apply to the wound a strong solution (or raw crystals) of Permanganate of Potash … if incisions cannot be made because of the presence of a vein or artery, a red-hot coal, cigarette end or red-hot wire should be applied to the bite.”

The bit I found curious was this: “meanwhile any strong stimulant at hand (from Brandy or Whisky to Sal Volatile) should be given and repeated in 15 minutes.” I guess the objective was to calm the nerves with alcohol!

The handbook also has a critical section of “Don’ts and Tips”. “Don’t go into the blazing sunshine without your Topee, whether it be summer or winter time.” “Don’t take Wine, Beer or Spirits before sundown (even if you get the chance!).” “A few leaves, especially Neem leaves, placed inside the Topee when in the jungle, will keep the head cool.” “Don’t ignore the flannel shirt; it is the safest covering for the body both in Winter and Summer. Flannel is a non-conductor of heat (as a proof of this ice wrapped in flannel keeps longer).”

The handbook has details of the many sports the British soldier can play in India. “Hockey, Football, Cricket, Tennis, Polo, Golf, Swimming, Running, Wrestling, Boxing, Rowing, Shooting, Pig-Sticking, Game Hunting are only a few of the games and sports that India offers to all so interested. Needless to say she excels in them too!”

But it’s the advice right at the end that made me laugh out loud. “Lastly don’t lose your head, heart or sleep in India under any circumstances; nor get ‘homesick’. The time will pass soon, and the handkerchief waving adieu at Southampton Quay will seem only yesterday. INDIA IS A FINE COUNTRY AFTER ALL!”